So this past week has been extremely long and I am about ready to drop dead. After four days of rehearsing the show at the Aronoff we finally put it all together and had three great shows this weekend. Friday was amazing. Gregg and his whole family came to see me in the show and they even asked me for my autograph. Saturday I felt like shit and Sunday was even worse. My tummy feels like it is going to explode. I also feel like I am going to fall over and die from exhaustion. I could not even go out and party like I normally do after a show because I felt so awful. Today and tomorrow are days off from the show but tomorrow I have another audition. I know I am retarded, but I can't stop being on stage. It is like a high that I can not explain.

Today was not the best day. Mom is mad because I invited my dad to my show. Don't know why she can't get it through her head that I love her and respect her and only love my dad. Respect is a big deal. I told her today that in the end when it really matter dad will be judged for the way he acted. God will punish him. I am not the most spiritual person but I do believe that God wants good to conquer evil. Some day I will be happy and not have to worry about petty shit. Some day I will realize that the good that I have inside me will be recognized. Some day people will understand that I am a good person and I have a lot to offer. Well it is off to bed. I am so tired. Goodnight no one.

So next week is the week. My show opens! This week I closed on my house and I now own it for sure! So now I am ready for a month of nothing but go, go, go!!! I have my show and Jill's wedding that I have not even started practicing for. Also I am auditioning for another show! I am crazy I know. The sad thing is is that I have no one to share my happiness with. It sucks. It is a shame that people decide to not love you anymore for no good reason. They decide to leave you in the cold. I miss being a girl. I have no girls to hang out with. I hang out with all boys all the time and it is starting to wear on me. I wish I could have someone that is sensitive like to me so that I could shed a tear everyone once in a while. I have not cried in forever and I feel like I need it.

Tonight I am going to go sing karaoke with everyone in the cast. I am excited about it. It is our promo night for B and the B. We don't need a promo night though because we are completly sold out!!!!! Awesome.

So today was a super long day. I watched the triplets all day then my great great friend Maggie called and said that she thought that maybe here water might have broken and she was painced. So I headed to the hospital to be with her. I made it there before her husband and the ambulance. I was stressed out. RIght after that I had to go babysitt for a 2 year old and a three month old. I got done at 10 and I was exhausted. I went and had a beer with friends and now I am going to bed. Some good news is that there is brick on my condo and tomorrow they are hanging my drywall. I am so excited that the weather is good now and things are moving along in the building process. They are saying I should be in the end of April!!!! Well good night for now.

So I just found out a couple of days ago that my ex is getting married. The ex boyfriend that did not want to rush to get married. The one that I wasted to years of my life with because I thought he was the one and I did everything in my power to make him want to be with me. Well now he is with a girl for 5 months and he is getting married. First of all I don't believe that whole 5 months thing. I have learned that they met in Texas, which is where he spent most of his time at the end of our relationship. So more than likely they met while we were together and now they are getting married. I don't wish I was the one that was marrying him but it still hurts. I feel that I am a great girl and a good catch for any guy and I don't understand why every guy I meet leaves me for the one they will spend the rest of their life with. I am scared that I will always be that girl to every guy and I will end up lonely forever. I love Gregg with all of my heart and he is a great guy but what if he does the same thing. How am I supposed to trust again? I don't know what to do?>
Also my so called friend Karrie that I met when I was with Bill has now posted pictures of the happy couple on her myspace page knowing very well that I would see them. It hurts and I don't know why. HELP if you can.

Well today is not a good day. I am done with people. I am sick of feeling second rate to everyone. It is not fair. I have a big heart and I treat everyone with respect and love and all I get in return is feeling like I am noone. Thanks.

So yesterday was a great day because I got to hang out with my Emma all day. But the night was horrible. I am so sick of family drama. This morning my stupid alarm did not go off and thank God I got up when I did. I was running late and tripping over everthing and nothing went right. I was so tired and just had a nightmare that while sitting at McDonalds with Gregg a robber came in and made Gregg point a gun at my head. It was horrible. Also I feel as if I could be getting sick. i had some sort of stomach issue last week and now I have a sore throat and cough and I am really achey all over.

But some good news!!! I have not had a cigarette in 3 days!!!! I am trying to quit. Trying to cut out my weekday cigarettes for now and only smoke on weekends when drinking, then to quit for good. I am proud of myself. YEAH!!!

Tommorrow is another divorce meeting for my mom and dad. It is just so weird that they are getting divorced. I can't believe it. I never thought this would happen. I always thought I was the lucky one with parents who have been together since they were 12. Oh well, I guess nothing is forever. I still have hope in love for some dumb reason. It is weird. The other thing that is weird is that my dad is taking this out on me too. I am so done with his petty shit. Today I got a call that 45 dollars on my rent was not paid. That means that Dad did not pay the garage fee. What a shit. Oh well I am done venting. I am very sleepy and I need to go to bed. I really don't want to sleep in bed though because it is freezing in my room. Maybe I will fall asleep on the couch.

Well this weekend was ok. Friday night we did nothing. I was actually in bed by 9 but did not sleep until 11 or so. Friday was not a good day. Ava and Ashtyn bumped heads and Ava got a bloody nose and it went all over my sweatshirt. Then when Emma came home she was crying and told me that she had lost her job. So I stayed over there with her until 8:30 or so. It was nice because I never really get to see her anymore. But it sucked because she was so upset. Well you guessed it I don't have a job now either. Becky (Emmas mom) said she would pay me for a month until Emma finds a job but I don't think it will take her that long.

Saturday was fun. I spend the day with Jayme and I love her but I feel like something is missing. I am scared that our friendship is slipping away. I don't know if it is because we don't live together anymore or what. I think it is because I can't hang out all night anymore. I know I am not as much fun anymore but I just don't feel good after a certain point. I don't know if it is because of all of the stress or what. I wish I could be as fun as other people but I just can't. I know I am being paranoid and sensitive but I have lost friends before and this is one friend i can't lose.

Sunday we went to Emma's to watch the super bowl and it was fun. We had lots of good food and I was so stuffed. I got to talk to a third grade teacher for a long time and I learned a lot of information. Third grade is what I want to teach. I can't wait for student teaching. I am so excited.

Yesterday (Monday) I went to Mason to observe and really missed being there and working in the school system. It was hard but I got some hours done and got to see good friends so that was good.

Today I have come to realize that I have so many bills to pay and no money. So I am depressed and it is nasty weather outside and I have to go to school soon. At least I got all my homework done. Yeah me.

Bye.

Current Mood: crappy

So this morning was one of those crazy ass mornings where everything goes wrong and you are rushing all over the place and just want to crawl back into bed.  I woke up this morning to Jason calling me (one of my best friends and my boss).  He needs me to stay and watch the babies till 8 tonight.  Well I tell him I can't because I am supposed to meet with the secruity people for my new condo.  Well at 11:20 I get a phone call from the security lady asking me where I am.  Apparently I am supposed to be there at 11 this morning.  Well since I am not in school right now I really don't check my planner as often as I need to.  I really need to either buy a big planner because I am building a house or look at my small one every day.  Anyway, I rush over the the security lady and fill out that paper work and then I have to go to work but I am very low on gas.  So I need to find a speedway because I have a gift card.  So to make a rambling long story shorter, nothing went right and to top it all off I got Gregg in trouble for talking on the phone at work.  AHHHHHHHHH!  So hopefully my day goes better.  Later!

Current Mood: busy

 Well I recieved some bad news today.  Gregg, my boyfriend of six months owns a house and the basement was flooding.  So Roto Rooter came today to look at it and said that the piping was cracked and it is going to cost a lot of money to fix it.  We are hoping that his dad's friend will fix it but we don't know yet.  Yesterday we looked at engagement rings and just when things were going great for us something goes wrong.  Who knows maybe we aren't meant to get married.  It is probably just because he is dating me and I have bad luck.  I guess I will be starring in the movie 27 dresses soon because I am always going to be a bridesmaid and never a bride.  WHY CAN'T THINGS GO RIGHT???????

Current Mood: crushed